we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
