Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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