im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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