how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
