Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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