I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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