saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
