Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
