he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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