you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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