Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize