So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then my night got REAL pukey
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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