Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have fence marks all over my body
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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