Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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