I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
