Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize