he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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