i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
