we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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