the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
