I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
