I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
