If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
