so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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