My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
