I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
