I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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