I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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