just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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