come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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