i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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