we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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