I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
