somebody snuck up and got me drunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
