no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
