Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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