but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
