I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
