I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
