The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
