You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
