omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
