Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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