He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
