i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
