so that wasnt chicken after all
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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