I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
