too bad you live with your parents still
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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