I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
