she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
