Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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