I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
