Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
