My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize