Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
