I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize