Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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