Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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