I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
pray to the hookup gods
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
