I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
