This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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