In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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