I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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