My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just had sex on a roof
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
