You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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