So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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