I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Congratulations! We have a period
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