Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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