I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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