Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
