I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
