Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
