tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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